Today, be a Blessing To Somebody
The way to a better connection.
The world is talking about connection and bonding, now more than ever. Better said, more publicly than ever before. We’ve been wired for connection since the beginning of the human race. Continuously evolving, but with the same essence. No wonder we feel like we don’t belong to space sometimes. Our mind is developing alongside our environment, but our being has the same features: belonging, love & connection.
A social experiment conducted in antique Greece had as a central piece, the concept of interpersonal communication. A number of 25 babies have been taken from their mothers and given to a group of women who were supposed to fulfill the basic needs in taking care of them: feeding, bathing, shelter, and warmth. The women weren’t allowed to develop an interpersonal connection with the babies. By interpersonal connection, we mean verbal or non-verbal communication. As a result of that experiment, all 25 babies died by the age of one year. This harsh example, proved back in the days, that as humans we need to be connected or otherwise we won’t survive.
What’s the biology of bonding?
We evolved. So did science. Therefore, we now have the chance to understand what’s the process of connecting with one another. To answer the above experiment, the biology of bonding is oxytocin. This hormone creates a strong relationship between the mother and the baby and it’s applicable in all mammal scenarios. This also applies to father-child relationships and all the other connections we develop throughout our lifetime.
A common human trait is that we all just want to be loved and most of us mistaken this deeply engraved need, for vulnerability, when in fact it’s a biological need. Everyone wants to feel special and worthy.
“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” — Brene Brown
But how many of us take the steps to form a connection?
When was the last time you’ve complimented someone on the street?
When was the last time you offered to help someone you don’t know, for no reason?
When was the last time you smiled at a stranger?
Maybe not everyone can go that extra mile because we are all different and for some of us that might require getting out of our comfort zone, which we know how scary can be. But let’s talk about our proximity.
How many of us take the steps to maintain a connection?
When was the last time you’ve told your friends you’re grateful for having them? Because they are there for you, night and day, listening to all your stories — meanwhile you’re too afraid to access a therapist or you might not have finances for one?
How about the last time you called your parents, even if you are the one that always calls first? Telling them that even if they haven’t been the perfect parents, you understand that they did their best with what they had in store at that time.
When have you last told your partner that you see them and appreciate them? That despite all the differences that are in between you, you are aware of the fact that they are willing to do the work with you and enjoy life in little moments…
There is nothing more beautiful than the act of giving and not expecting anything in return. If you want to be a blessing, you have to be a consistent one. It’s like branding: you will form your identity, through repeating the same values and behaviour. Know yourself as a product of the world, then fill other people’s needs in your unique way.
“The thing to do, it seems to me, is to prepare yourself so you can be a rainbow in somebody else’s cloud. Somebody who may not look like you. May not call God the same name you call God — if they call God at all. I may not dance your dances or speak your language. But be a blessing to somebody. That’s what I think.” — Maya Angelou
The blessings of being a blessing.
We’ve all been through periods when we weren’t feeling ourselves because life is a cycle of ups and downs. Just how we can not appreciate the beauty of light without darkness, the abundance without the lack, the warmth without the cold, that’s how we can not appreciate our happy days without the sad ones. We are a paradox. But we have been equally wired for suffering, as we have been for love. It’s up to us what we choose to practice more of.
Therefore, I tell you: When in doubt, be a blessing to somebody!
1. Call someone and ask them about their day
I’ve had days when I was feeling lonely and could’ve used a friend to talk, but everyone was busy dealing with their journey. So instead of concentrating on how no one is asking about my day, I would’ve picked up the phone and called them. Your brain waves automatically will switch focus into giving and you will end up forgetting about your low energy state in the first place.
2. Send an unexpected gift to someone
We all love receiving attention, expressed in different ways. When away from your dear ones, a random little gift could brighten their day up. My friend whom I haven’t seen in awhile was moving out into a new home. We both took steps towards healing the relationships in our lives and that included the relationship between one another. We’ve also been experiencing some steamed up conversations in the past, so I’ve decided to send her flowers for the new home. That in itself opened a new door. When she happily contacted me and thanked me for the gesture, it also made my day. The secret is to master the art of not expecting anything back.
3. Write a message of appreciation to someone
Just like daily affirmations work for your subconscious brain, this is how writing some words of appreciation towards someone, will do the same trick. The brain is a muscle, it needs a special type of exercise as well. By putting down a couple of gratitude words or a simple thank you, you will tap into that thankful state. Lift yourself, through lifting others. Let them know that they make a difference in your life and that they matter. We are all different and armed with gifts to help each other go through life, a little bit easier.
4. Ask someone if they need help
We are performing our best human form, when in a state of giving. By choosing to be of service to others, you will automatically shift your energy state into abundance. Don’t linger in that feeling for too long or you’ll become the feeling. We all have the power to choose what to think, therefore what to feel.
Help can be of different types: practical support, financial support & emotional support. We all benefit from some more instead of the others. If you see someone that needs help, assess the situation, and ask yourself: what kind of support can I provide?
We get caught up so much in our little petty worlds that we forget that we are all connected in the great circle of life. We matter most when we come together towards the betterment of the world.
5. Be a blessing to yourself
You are the most important person in your life. If you’re a giver, you might feel the need to bright other’s lives, this way you feel like you’re contributing. But even the brightest stars, need to recharge. Somedays we have to accept that we need some rest to fill ourselves up again. Give yourself so you can give to others.
Take care of all aspects of your being: body, mind & soul.
Body — exercise, stretch, and moisturize. This way you will send signals from outside to your inside. Getting up early in the morning, going out for a run in nature it will automatically improve your mood. You move, energy moves. Taking time to enjoy a bath and relax your muscles can make such a difference after a period of being tense. Use essential oils and creams to take care of your shell. Most of the time we don’t realize what an important role our skin is playing. Every single day it tells us: I got you, I will protect you. What are you doing to return the service?! Moisturize and drink plenty of water.
Mind — it’s great to exercise and keep your body in great shape. Most of us forget that our mind is just another muscle that needs as much attention as any other part of your body. So you better squat that knowledge in. Understand how your mind thinks, helps it grow and emerge. It will return the favor 10 times more. Just think about it: what are you watching? what are you reading? what conversations you’re having in the majority of days?
All these will balance your mentality. Choose wisely!
Last, but definitely not the least — the soul.
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” — Rumi
In order to be a better service to others, we need to serve ourselves. Your soul will always know just in time when you gave too much towards others and too little to yourself. You will start feeling weary, with a sudden urge for running away and recharge. Look into your soul and ask what you need to do to become what you’ve been designed to be? Don’t worry about what you might lose in the meantime, whatever is meant to be yours, will stay.
Meditation will bring more answers than anybody else can give to you, so make sure you sit down with uncomfortable feelings because that’s where your power will rise from.
Don’t even try and think you can change anything around you, because that’s only going to create more delusion. Change things inside you and then witness everything falling in place in your surroundings.
One final thought that continuously sits with me when I am completely aware: if this would be the last day that you’re alive in this form how would you treat yourself? Also, how would you treat others?!
