Why are Your Goals a Moving Target?!
It’s not your fault.
It will be when you become aware, but you choose to do nothing about it.
Scientifically it’s been proven that the rational part of the brain isn’t fully developed and won’t be until age 25 or so. This means that when we are in our juvenile stage, we are like a sponge: absorbing everything around us.
In our early years of life, our brain is very open to learning as much as possible, gathering as much information so it can start to form an idea about the world and how it can protect us against the dangers. At this stage, we are taking everything around us and we make it ours. Therefore, our distorted reality about who we are starting to already take form. We then reach maturity and ask ourselves:
When I am not the result of my environment, who am I?
After everything that my parents taught me, after everything that school pushed inside my brain and after all that society brainwashing — who am I?
Parents & generational baggage
Our biggest program gets formed primarily in significant relationships. The relationship with our parents, if analysed enough, can tell us everything about who we are NOT.
If you do not value someone, it’s hard to imagine being shamed about what he or she is saying, but since our parents were our Gods, their behaviour was sacred for us. They are our caregivers and we trust them that they know what they’re doing, but when they are shame-based and unaware, they will end up passing their toxic behaviour on us — and this can be multigenerational.
The so-called toxic behaviour doesn’t manifest only through negative behaviour. A parent can love you so much, praise you and adore you and unconsciously making you believe that everyone who you’ll meet will treat you the same.
Dysfunctional households leave a very big imprint on who we think we are. Imagine living in a house where there is no schedule, where mom and dad work very late hours, and the family never sits down together to talk, play, or eat. Imagine a family where there is constantly fighting and the caregivers don’t support their children’s needs. Imagine a household where the child is never heard and acknowledged. Imagine a household where there is violence constantly and the children are in fight or flight mode…How do you think these individuals will develop further?!
“Children will invest as much energy as is needed to ensure the preservation of family harmony, even if it means sacrificing themselves”. — Joel Covitz
Automatically, the child then takes on the role of caregiver and gives up on his or her emotional needs. That’s a key developing point in losing the idea of self and becoming the result of your environment.
This example can help you deepen your understanding of how much impact, growing up in a dysfunctional household, can have. Think of a child that has no consistency in what he/she does, no proper guidance, or advice when he/she needs them the most. A child has multiple talents but no one supports any of them so he/she ends up being very confused about what she/he is good at.
This individual will transform into an adult whose goals are a moving target. The adult will have multiple ideas and never follow them through because he/she has never been used with a schedule, strategy or consistency. On top of this — self-worth is very low due to unappreciation from the caregivers.
“Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness”. — Alejandro Jodorowsky
School & society brainwashing
We grow up in a system where you need to excel in all areas of the school, otherwise, you are a FAILURE — that’s another environment that leaves some scars. Teachers are the second wave of caregivers in our lives, so whatever they say or teach it will stay with you one way or another until we can discern in between I can agree with that and it’s something I would like to pursue and This is not something that agrees with the core of who I am and I wouldn’t like to concentrate on.
Think of the kids that have always been a black sheep through life. But not because they wanted to rebel against the status quo. They just felt like some things weren’t making sense. Simple things like — you can’t use the toilet in class unless it is a big emergency. They wanted to be a good student and never bother anyone with their needs, so instead, they started conditioning themselves. But it didn’t felt right!
The variety of teachers that we have through our early stages of development, are equally leaving good and bad beliefs imprinted in our brain.
Schools should identify the areas where children exceed into and support their development towards it. But since schools are part of the social system, we can now understand why the structure it is the way it is. All these areas impact the base of who we are and we then get so tired of wearing these unaware masks that we start questioning our essence.
“Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school”. — Albert Einstein
How to pin down your goals?
All of these will eventually become patterns in our lives. You need to recognise that you developed certain patterns of behaviour due to a belief programming you absorbed from those around you in the past — or because these behaviours kept you from feeling unwanted anxiety and hurt. You now must recognise that these old patterns are not working for you in the present. At this point, they are causing more harm than good. You must accept that if you keep doing what you've always been doing — you’ll keep getting the same result.
Enough is enough
When we are not aware, we can’t even touch on the program that runs unconsciously. So it’s not our fault! But once we identify these blocks and we mix it with willingness — that’s when the work starts.
1. Identify your core beliefs
What are your core beliefs?
Do you know them?
Are they actually yours? Write them down, make a list — it can be pretty long.
2. Find the pattern
You’re at a certain stage in your life. Look back — what stories seem to repeat themselves? Is getting a bit annoying, right? Pin it down. What is the pattern?
3. Give up your beliefs
Now that you’ve managed to identify them, choose the ones that don’t serve your higher self, and kill them. Let them go and admit that the version that you’re becoming cannot function upon those beliefs.
4. Trust yourself
This point is the hardest. You are stripped of your belief clothes and you’re naked in the middle of the road.
How can you trust yourself when for so many years you’ve been trusting other people’s opinions and relying on all sorts of systems but your own? How can you choose to feel yourself when there are so many perspectives upon who you should be? Now it’s time to tap into that inner power that’s louder and stronger than any mental beliefs that you might have. There is a light inside all of us, we are just afraid of the electrical bill.
Just press the switch! Are you afraid of showing the world who you’ve been designed to be or are you more afraid to get at the end of your life and realised you’ve spent it in the dark, too afraid to turn your light on?
5. Set a new path
Now everything is a choice.
You are at crossroads. You can either go one side and follow the same behaviour, or you can pick yourself up, turn the other side and say:
I came in this world to evolve and to help others do so as well. I can’t wallow in everything that happened to me, because it happened for me. I will take my weaknesses and transform them into unique helping points for myself and others.
Now your target is not moving anymore, because it’s in your pocket?
Choose the clothes you will wear on your new path. You’re the designer.
